The
Itch We Cannot Scratch
“The
man who sweats under his mask, whose role makes him itch with discomfort, who
hates the division in himself, is already beginning to be free.”
Thomas
Merton
Do you
ever have an itch you can’t scratch? Something that you can’t quite see except
in your peripheral vision. Do you ever feel as though something is almost a
thought, but you can’t quite bring is into full awareness? When you do what you’ve
always done, but something about it no longer satisfies. You don’t know what
comes next, but you know that whatever you’re doing now is not it. It’s an
irritating thing—this itch that can’t be scratched.
And it’s
a good sign. It means that change is happening in your unconscious mind.
Something being sought is slowly making its way to the shipping station—it’s kind
of like being in an Amazon warehouse that’s a mile wide and two miles deep, and
the item you seek is at the very back on the top shelf. Sometimes there’s a
trigger that launches this itch, and sometimes it stealth surfaces—you can feel
the shift, but it's still a mystery.
I find that
these aggravating moments happen at certain junctures of our lives—we’ve all
heard of the seven-year itch. That’s when a marriage is past the honeymoon
stage, the infatuation stage, and has moved on to the what-was-I-thinking-stage.
But there are other times when the itch arises—like when one launches children
and discovers the reality of an empty nest. Also, it happens at retirement. Coach
Nick Saban was asked recently if he had any plans to retire. He looked at the
interviewer with incredulity, and said, “How would I fill my time?” We know
that life does not end when kids leave home or when retirement looms ahead. But
we don’t yet know how to do life without the usual structures that bind our
days.
In the
creative life, it feels like running out of steam. A shift has already happened
but won’t reveal itself. As Merton said in the quote above—you’re already
beginning to be free. Many of us feel that itch—we know that things have
changed forever, but we don’t yet know what life will be like on the other side.
We will sit in limbo until the new reality is fully here, until we can define
it and know what to expect, even if it’s something we don’t want. We are, of
necessity, an adaptable species. But this is a shift—a big change. One we can’t
overturn, or ignore, or get ahead of. We simply must wait for it to reveal
itself—and that is the hardest part—the itch we cannot scratch. The one that
keeps itself just out of sight.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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