Become
Real
“You
become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who
break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally,
by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes
drop out, and you get loose in the joints, and very shabby. But these things don’t
matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly except to people
who don’t understand.”
Margery
Williams (The Velveteen Rabbit)
For most
of us, it takes more than one lifetime to become Real. We struggle our way up
the hierarchy of human needs and about half-way up we get comfortable. We think
we’ve arrived at our destination, and besides, we’re tired of working on
ourselves. Let’s just cruise for a while. Rest on our laurels.
Unfortunately,
there’s a catch. You must keep moving forward or you slip backwards. You go along
and go along, and everything is fine, and then someone or some situation comes
along that punches some old buttons, and you’re off and running. Old patterns
of behavior, old hurts, pains, and aggravations arise, and you find out that
the progress you’ve made must be constantly maintained or you lose it. It’s
kind of like an old house—you patch up the crack in the ceiling, only to discover
a bigger one in the foundation.
Most of
us travel this life-way simply trying to take care of our Physiological and Safety
needs for food, clothing, shelter, and a secure environment. Those are the
first two levels of Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs. Much of the
world cannot progress to the third level—Belonging—because we spend most of our
lives working to achieve the first two. There is no time to contemplate the
universe or reflect on our condition and strategically plan a way to move
beyond it if we’re just trying to feed ourselves and our children.
Having “a village” whether
that is a community group, a religious organization, or something as secular as
the DAR, helps us move up the hierarchy. A true village helps take care of our
first two needs. When we belong to a tribe, and we feel valued in that tribe, we
may move up to having our Esteem needs met. We may feel good enough about
ourselves, that we no longer struggle with our identity, our standing in
society, or our physical needs. At that point, the possibility of Self-Actualizing
is greater. We have time to go inward and discover what’s there, what’s
missing, and what needs to change—but it’s an inside job—Self-actualization.
At that point, we no longer strive for esteem outside ourselves, because we are
the final arbiter and judge of our behavior and whether it lives us to our own core
values.
People who achieve this
level of human development stand out in a crowd. They are distinguished by the
authenticity of their lives—everything about them is Real. And, yes, they kind
of look like the description in the Velveteen Rabbit—their fur is gone from
being loved on, and their eyes and ears might be less than fully functional.
They are typically humble and kind, but straight forward and honest. We need
many more Real people in this world, don’t you think?
In the Spirit,
Jane
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