Looking at Life from Both Sides

 

Life’s Illusions

“…I’ve looked at life from both sides now

from win and lose and still somehow

it’s life’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know life at all.”

Joni Mitchell (refrain “Both Sides Now,” 1968)

          Remember this song? Joni wrote it and recorded it, but the one I remember best is Judy Collins, who recorded it in that crystal-clear voice of hers. It was a super hit at the time, and still, to me, is one of the most beautiful songs ever—perhaps because it depicts something that everyone of us has experienced—disillusionment.

          It is human to have expectations. We all do. Just ask Simone Biles and all her fans. And when our expectations are fulfilled to the max, we are deliriously happy. When they aren’t, when they are dashed, not only are we disappointed, but likely, we feel cheated. The first response is to blame whatever or whoever disappointed us. For me, and for many, the second response is to feel stunning guilt. Maybe that’s the Irish in me.

          Yesterday, my new kitchen appliances were to be delivered and installed. Please understand that I am not a person who changes her appliances according to the current trend. The appliances in my kitchen were twenty-five years old and one of them hadn’t worked in two years. So, I was excited. So excited, in fact, that I had scheduled a dinner party for tonight that I would cook on my brand-new stove! Here’s the series of events as they occurred: the delivery people showed up around two o’clock without a 20-minute notice, they came in, measured the doors, and told me they would not touch the copper water pipe going to the refrigerator, and would not go into my basement to turn off the water. So, I did both those things even though one required me to climb a ladder. Next, they refused to haul the old frig to the porch or anywhere else because it would take too long, so the old refrigerator is now in my dining room. They took the new refrigerator apart to fit it through the front door and then couldn’t get it back together. They would not fit the new water connector up because that would mean they had to touch the existing copper line. The new stove was brought in, but now sits in my dining room, too, because they failed to bring the necessary electrical cables. In moving all these heavy appliances, they did not use a pad, so the hardwood floors are scratched in the entry, in the living room and in the kitchen. They left my house at ten after four, telling me that it was “illegal” to photocopy their delivery forms even though I had signed them. I did it anyway.

          I tell you all this because my first response was anger. I went straight to the store where I had bought the appliances and gave the salesperson unmitigated hell, asked to see the manager, and ranted and railed about my floors and incompetent people and how could they do that after I had spent such an enormous amount of money there and they had already cashed my check! The poor salesperson remained calm, got the store manager and head of customer services and they gave me the proper electrical cable and assured me that they would take care of the floor and putting the refrigerator back together. They allowed as to how they had already had several complaints about this delivery team, that they were 3^rd-party contract workers, yada-yada. Things would be taken care of first thing MONDAY morning. “We got you! We’ll take care of this!”

          I hobbled back to my car on my bad knee, and then came the tears. I felt so bad, and so guilty for having “ratted” on those young men, who had clearly been sent out to do a job they were ill prepared to do. What if they were fired because of my complaint? They hadn’t been properly trained, they were over extended, and already behind schedule—yada-yada—I’m a monster! I realize all this is unverified, but it seemed to be the case (even though one of them spent about half the time he was here texting on his phone). Let me also say, I know this is a first world problem since most of the world does not even have reliable electricity. The point is that when I, a single, older woman, endeavor to do something that should be simple and straightforward, we get the short end of the stick. I don’t think, and perhaps I am wrong, that a man would have been treated this way, and I don’t think a younger woman would have been either. One of the sad truths about old age in American culture is that we are invisible, and therefore, discounted.  

          I’m not happy about where we are in the USA. In almost every area, we are woefully behind other developed countries. But we are also lagging in our ability to be honest with ourselves. It’s time we had the good sense and the humility to admit that we have gone way off-course. We cannot solve our problems if we refuse to admit we have them. Surely, Covid-19 has proved that. We have been seeing life’s illusions and not really seeing life as it is at all. It’s time we did.

                                                                           In the Spirit,

                                                                 Jane