On the Road to Non-judgement

 

Blocks in the Path

“Thus, in daily ways, we have this constant choice: to see each other as the stubborn, muddy, biting thing that blocks our way, or to back up and take in the whole person as we would a mountain in its entirety, dizzy when looking up into its majesty.”

Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakening, p.248, “When the Path Is Blocked,” Conari Press, 2000)

          Are you quick to judge people? Do you use yourself, your personal beliefs, and values as a yardstick for measuring others? I’m afraid I do. I seem to judge people based on my idea of what is right and wrong. In The Book of Awakening Mark Nepo wrote about the roadblocks we encounter in observing others without judgement. He describes three scenarios in which we either stubbornly stand our ground, muddy the water with our emotions, or get bitten by something in our own past that poisons our present. These blocks interfere with our ability to see another person in their fullness.

          I think about the labels we hang on people that act as blinders—alcoholic, gay, crazy, unattractive, not smart, or conversely, perfect, brilliant, intelligent, beautiful. Once labeled, we see through that lens. We see only our label which may or may not represent an aspect of the person. Regardless, it is only one aspect. Every human being has more than one facet; in fact, most of us are quite complicated. Hopefully, we change over time as we learn new information. Or we may be different depending on the day or what happened just before we encountered one another. I’m not saying that our assessments of others have no merit at all, only that our labels do not define their totality.

Think of one aspect of yourself, (for instance, I am introverted). Is that all that describes you? Are there days when you are different? Do your moods change? If someone saw you being that way, would you want them to assume that you were always that way? Probably not.

When we are sitting in judgement, Nepo recommends that we back up and get a longer view. Take in the person’s wholeness. Take in your own. Do you feel that softening? No one is perfect—neither perfectly good nor perfectly terrible. We are all works in progress, and as Ram Dass said, “we’re all just walking each other home.”

                                        In the Spirit,

                                        Jane