Friends
“Sometimes
being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence.
A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny.
And a time to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”
Octavia
E. Butler
A good
friend is more valuable than diamonds. Mencius, a Chinese philosopher from the
3rd Century BCE, called friends “the siblings God never gave us.”
I agree with this. Although I loved my sisters, kinships are always fraught
with jealousies and resentments, whereas friendships, even under similar
circumstance seem able to avoid them. I have friends who are way smarter and
better looking than I, as was my sister, Jerrie. Somehow, I just appreciate and admire their
superlatives rather than feeling overshadowed by them, as I did with my sister.
I have a friend who is one of six sisters. They are devoted to each other, and
yet, competitive in a way that is sometimes painful to watch.
In
Octavia Butler’s quote above, she speaks of letting go and allowing friends to “hurl
themselves into their own destiny.” I believe this applies to family
members too. We love them, so when we see them going down a treacherous path, we
want to hold on to them to prevent the consequences we know they face. We can do
this with our children when they are very young, but once they grow up, we must
let go. Even though they “belong” to us, they are not ours to direct once they
have fledged the nest. I think that’s one of the most difficult parts of
parenting—we must allow our children to make their own mistakes, because, while
they came through us, they have their own destiny to fulfill and we should not stand in their way. The same is true of our friends.
Baltasar
Gracian, a Jesuit priest and philosopher in the 1600’s, said that “true
friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils.” This week, I
have called on friends almost every day to help me get through the stress of living
in the 21st century. With them, no matter how angry or disillusioned
I am about life, we talk, and laugh, commiserate, and compare notes on how absurd
the world is. Before I know it, my mood has elevated; I feel good. For me, that’s
what friendship is all about—kindred souls on parallel journeys, reaching out to
share the load, and bring joy to one another in the process. I can’t begin to say how grateful
I am.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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