“I
don’t know.”
“Jung
said that to be in a situation where there is no way out, or to be in a
conflict where there is no solution is the classical beginning of the process
of individuation. It is meant to be a situation without a solution; the
unconscious wants the hopeless conflict in order to put ego consciousness up
against the wall, so that the [person] has to realize that whatever they do is
wrong, whichever way they decide will be wrong. This is meant to knock out the
superiority of the ego, which always acts from the illusion that it has the responsibility
of decisions…”
Marie
Louise von Franz (The Interpretation of Fairytales)
Have
you ever found yourself in a situation such as the one von Franz describes—where
there is no right answer, no perfect solution? What we (I) typically do is fake
it. I come up with some nonsense that sounds good but isn’t. We—our egos—truly
hate to have no answer to the question, and no solution for the problem. At
least, I do.
One of the things that
seems to come with age, especially for thinking types, is the accumulation of
such instances. People look to you, if you are or have ever been in a
leadership position, to come up with the right answer. No matter how gnarly the
problem, no matter how messy the situation, you as leader are supposed to …well,
lead. So, you press yourself into the job, hell or high water, no matter what.
About half the time you manage to hit on a right answer or a good fix. And half
the time you land on your behind and no one thinks it’s cute.
With age, thankfully,
because you have had enough of those painful landings, you get better at those
fateful words, “I don’t know.” Or, perhaps, “I have no idea.” And if you are
smart, and truly a leader, you will then say, “What do you think?” And listen
to the answer. Sometimes young people see with fresh eyes. They are not jaded,
and they are still in the prime of their creative powers. If they have an out-of-the-box
idea—let them try it. Don’t stand in the way of their opportunities to achieve
success or fall on their derrieres.
It’s an equal opportunity
world, right?! Your ego will be able to stand it, and theirs will learn
something important. I guarantee it.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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