Saying
No
“...I
know that saying no is a more difficult spiritual practice than
tithing, praying on a cold stone floor, or visiting a prisoner on
death row—because while all of those worthy activities may involve
saying no to something else so that I can do them instead, they still
amount to doing more instead of less. Limiting my activity does not
help me feel holy. Doing more feels holy...”
Barbara
Brown Taylor (An Altar in the World)
My
friend Ellen and I tried to find a block of time to regularly get
together for writing and reading our work to each other. We're both
retired (so they say), so it should be easy, right? All that free
time just looming out there. Not so much. She volunteers as a hospice
counselor, works with a church program at a local housing project,
takes piano lessons, works out regularly, including taking various
exercise classes, is part of a centering prayer group and a book
group. I work with my sons eBay business, keep up a booth at the Bama
Flea, dog-sit, am on two church committees, facilitate a Spirituality
group, and cook for any number of church related events. And, of
course, I write a daily blog, make regular trips to the gym, and try
to maintain a house. Attempting to find a two hour block of time to
sit down together and discuss our writing was like negotiating a
major global trade agreement. And, I don't think we're unusual.
Learning
to say no is a constant challenge for people today. Needing more time
to do less seems paradoxical, doesn't it? People are just so busy. We
have to ask ourselves, “What on earth is that about?” I think
Barbara Brown Taylor has hit the mark—it's about feeling holy. When
we “do nothing” we feel lazy and, as my mother would say,
“no-count.” For our generation, because we were children of
depression era parents, the Puritan work ethic was hammered into our
skulls every minute of every day. The more we do, the more useful and
important we feel—especially when we're doing “the Lord's work.”
That's Southern-speak for busting your hump for the church. The truth
is, we don't know how to relax because we've never done it.
Balance
is a learning curve for modern humans. We've not learned how to work
hard, but also, relax hard. Work hard, but then allow ourselves some
play time. As you grow older, time is not spread out quite so far
ahead as it once was, which makes it much more precious. Learning to
sort out what you truly want to do, from what you do so that you can
feel holy, is important. Learning to say no is a critical life skill.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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