Qualifiers
“I
define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their
limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their
'shadow'--they know their weaknesses. In other words, they understand
that there is not good without bad...”
John
Bradshaw
What
do we mean when we say someone is a “good" person? Do we mean
they haven't broken the law? That they live responsibly? That they
care about other people? Do we mean that they have the same set of
religious beliefs that we do? If they didn't share our religious
beliefs, would we still call them “good?”
I
hear this a lot: “Well, she's poor, but she's a good
person.” “He's a Jew (or a Mexican, or a black man, or a Muslim,
etc), but he's a good person.” There is a qualifier, and the
yardstick for measuring seems to be how much like us the other person
is. Most of us are unconscious of our yardstick, and we're
unconscious of our biases. They roll off our tongues innocently
enough because we are completely unaware that we have them.
I
believe that all the “isms” of the world are based on these
unconscious yardsticks. Fundamentalism, racism, sexism, nationalism,
and on and on, are founded on how closely the “other” resembles
us, or rather, on how much they do not resemble us. We find it hard
to trust someone who doesn't. Perhaps this is the remnant of our
primitive heritage—our mammalian instinct to be wary of predators.
Perhaps it's because we have not examined our own “shadow,” and
so project it onto others.
If
we were to closely examine our own lives, our true motives, our
irrational fears and unfounded biases, we would discover that we
ourselves are a mix of good and bad, of shadow and sunlight. Knowing
when we bump up against our deep-seated prejudices, being conscious
of our personal limitations, and owning our weaknesses helps us to
not act them out in the world. We all have qualifiers or we wouldn't
be human. Once again, consciousness is the solution.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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