Self-Acceptance
“The
curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can
change.” Carl Rogers
There
is an interesting story in psychologist Tara Brach's book, Radical
Acceptance, about a white tiger who lived for many years at
the National Zoo in Washington, DC. At first the tiger was kept in a
traditional 12-12 foot cage of concrete and iron. She paced back and
forth and back and forth all day. Then the zoo pulled together the
money to build a spacious enclosure, a natural habitat for the white
tiger. When they introduced her to it, she ran to one corner and
began pacing back and forth in an area exactly the same size as her
old cage. This she did for the rest of her life.
Change
is hard for white tigers and for human beings. If we grew up in a
family that was chaotic, or didn't quite measure up to the
expectations of the tribe or community, then we have a small
enclosure. We have a hard time breaking out of old habits of
internalized oppression, and opening ourselves to the expansiveness
of self-acceptance. There is another recounting in Brach's book about
a group of Buddhist teachers and psychologists who invited the Dalai
Lama join them in dialogue. One psychologist asked him what could be
done about self-hatred. The Dalai Lama had no concept of such a
thing, so they explained that the condition is not uncommon in the
West. He was greatly perplexed that anyone would feel that way about
themselves, saying, "everybody has Buddha nature."
It
is important to overcome self-judgement for many reasons, not the
least of which is that we will be happier people, and we will raise
happier children. When we accept ourselves as we are, we are more
likely to accept others as they are. We insure our own peace of mind
when we take ourselves off the hook of judgement. It was fear that forced the white tiger to pace all her life,
and it is fear that keeps us from accepting ourselves and others.
When you feel afraid today, remember that everyone has Buddha nature.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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