Thursday, September 13, 2012

Strength in Feelings


Being Strong

Sometimes we think being strong means not giving in to our emotions. But that's not strength; that's denial and resistance. Real power comes from being vulnerable enough to feel whatever we feel.”
                                  Melody Beattie (Journey to the Heart)

Often when I get together with my women friends we talk about our children—all grown now, but still our children. We speak of their successes and their failures, our pride, our fears. The hardest thing for any of us to do is let go of our fears for them—I think that gene must be on the X chromosome. It is good to have friends with whom to express one's doubts and fears because in the honesty of that conversation, there is healing. And not only healing, but communion.

I grew up with a father I never saw cry. He had been taught that 'men don't cry' and that 'crying is for sissies' and all those other ridiculous macho-southern euphemisms for stuffing feelings. He had suppressed his tender side to the point that he couldn't cry even when he wanted to. I hope I have taught my sons that it is okay for them to cry. There are certainly things in this world worthy of tears, both of sadness and of joy.

Maturity comes in feeling what you feel in the moment. Power comes in being real. I do realize that sometimes we are in situations where we can't just bawl—like the board room, for instance. But we can at least speak our authentic emotions. We can say, 'that makes me really sad' or 'I feel like crying'. Speaking our true feelings gives other people permission to speak theirs and having an honest conversation is team-building. Being able to express emotions in a clear manner, and allow others to do the same, is one of the 'soft-skills' so prized in the work-place now.

When you have strong emotions, don't be afraid to feel what you feel. The best way to move through sadness is to allow yourself to feel it, express it, and then release it. When we suppress sorrow, we also suppress our ability to feel joy. We put a damper on all our emotions. When we suppress, we cannot move forward. Feel—express—release, and let life lead you on to the next experience. This is true strength and growth.

                                                        In the spirit,
                                                          Jane

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