Being
Strong
“Sometimes
we think being strong means not giving in to our emotions. But that's
not strength; that's denial and resistance. Real power comes from
being vulnerable enough to feel whatever we feel.”
Melody
Beattie (Journey to the Heart)
Often
when I get together with my women friends we talk about our
children—all grown now, but still our children. We speak of their
successes and their failures, our pride, our fears. The hardest thing
for any of us to do is let go of our fears for them—I think that
gene must be on the X chromosome. It is good to have friends with
whom to express one's doubts and fears because in the honesty of that
conversation, there is healing. And not only healing, but communion.
I
grew up with a father I never saw cry. He had been taught that 'men
don't cry' and that 'crying is for sissies' and all those other
ridiculous macho-southern euphemisms for stuffing feelings. He had
suppressed his tender side to the point that he couldn't cry even
when he wanted to. I hope I have taught my sons that it is okay for
them to cry. There are certainly things in this world worthy of
tears, both of sadness and of joy.
Maturity
comes in feeling what you feel in the moment. Power comes in being
real. I do realize that sometimes we are in situations where we can't
just bawl—like the board room, for instance. But we can at least
speak our authentic emotions. We can say, 'that makes me really sad'
or 'I feel like crying'. Speaking our true feelings gives other
people permission to speak theirs and having an honest conversation
is team-building. Being able to express emotions in a clear manner,
and allow others to do the same, is one of the 'soft-skills' so
prized in the work-place now.
When
you have strong emotions, don't be afraid to feel what you feel. The
best way to move through sadness is to allow yourself to feel it,
express it, and then release it. When we suppress sorrow, we also
suppress our ability to feel joy. We put a damper on all our
emotions. When we suppress, we cannot move forward.
Feel—express—release, and let life lead you on to the next
experience. This is true strength and growth.
In
the spirit,
Jane
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