Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Evolution Depends on Us

 

Consequences and Transformation

“It made me realize how the Universe improvises its balance. How a horse thief becomes a horse. How a blacksmith becomes an anvil. How my surgeon will become a gardener. How the wings of one life are broken to form a nest in which someone is born who can go everywhere while going nowhere.”

Mark Nepo (Finding Inner Courage, p.154)

          I’m still pondering family—not just my own, but family in the universal sense. Thinking about how we evolve in very subtle ways over time to push the envelope in new directions. Transformation happens not overnight but over time—and unfortunately, sometimes regression happens too. Karma has a major role to play in this, but most of us don’t connect the dots between our own behavior and the consequences, or the lives of our parents and grandparents and how we repeat their patterns. We remain unaware of how the events of our childhood are imprinted on us and inform our responses to the world.

People around here write off their own behavior by saying, “That’s just how I was raised,” or, “My mama taught me to…” as though these behaviors are set in stone. We tend not to notice, “How a blacksmith becomes an anvil.” We hear behavioral specialists say things like “the abused becomes the abuser” but we don’t see that psychological pressure and manipulation are forms of abuse, just dressed in different clothes. In fact, we don’t realize that we are pressuring or manipulating at all—in our minds we’re just trying to do what’s best for the other person. Codependency is control dressed in sheep’s clothing.

Progress towards health, especially emotional health, tends to be slow. We take three steps forward and two back, but it still counts as progress. What pushes these slight gains is consciousness. We see the pattern. Perhaps suddenly. A word is spoken, a scene reenacted that we recognize from the past, and a light snaps on in our heads. The thought occurs to us, “OMG! I’ve become my mother (or my father).” And if we don’t immediately stuff that realization into the sack of forgetfulness, there’s a real chance for transformation. The karmic consequence of our family’s actions can be changed by becoming aware of our tendency to repeat them.

Families are the crucibles in which evolution occurs. Each generation is defined by circumstances of their time, and by the behavior of their role models. Unhealthy patterns have karmic consequences for generations to come simply because we repeat them. When we become conscious of that, we cannot repeat them without knowing what we’re doing. That’s how change happens. We can break the karmic chain by removing one link. And our broken wings can become a sheltering nest for future generations to live healthier, happier lives. Wouldn't that be a wonderful Christmas gift?

                                        In the Spirit,

                                        Jane

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