Your
People
“There
will always be someone in this life who just doesn’t like you, no matter how
hard you try to please them. There will always be something that you say or do
that causes offense or division, whether you meant to or not…
Then
there will be those who like you on impact. A little fizz of energy passes
between you, silently, unseen, bonding. Those people will not only like you,
but they will like you fiercely. They are your people. Whatever spare time you
have, spend it on them…”
Donna
Ashworth (from “To the Women”)
My
cousin Susan sent me this prose poem. Donna Ashworth must understand human
nature well. In this poem, she askes us not to spend time with people who find
fault with us—our lifestyle or our words. Reminds me of an old Ricky Nelson song,
“The Garden Party,” with this refrain:
“Well,
it’s all right now/ I learned my lesson well/ You see, ya can’t please everyone/
so ya got to please yourself.”
I
remember having this conversation with my son, Ian. He was tender hearted as a
child, as most children are, and he would cry when someone spoke harshly to
him. He was loved by most folks, and when he met someone who didn’t like him, it broke his heart. Understanding that not everyone will love you, and that some
people will even say hateful things to and about you, is an important life
lesson. It’s hard not to pay attention to meanness, so I won’t tell you to do
that. I will tell you that it’s probably not about you. We humans tend to
project what we don’t like about ourselves onto other people because to admit
that they belong to us is just too painful. Name-calling is often a sign of
significant pain and childhood trauma. The bully has most likely been bullied and is
still hurting from it, so they pass on the favor.
On the
other hand, there are folks who will like you straight away—who will think you
are cool and quirky and perfect “just the way you are.” As Ashworth says, “Those
are your people.” That’s your tribe. Go with them. Life is too short to fret
and worry about people who are so unhappy themselves that they need to drag someone
else down with them. If you can practice empathy and forgiveness with them,
that’s great; but if not, just walk away.
“You
can’t be everyone’s cup of tea,” Donna Ashworth says. Her advice is: “Find
your people. Love them hard.” I concur.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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