Joy
in the Middle
“Right
in the difficult we must have our joys, our happiness, our dreams: there
against the depth of this background, they stand out; there for the first time,
we see how beautiful they are.”
Rainer
Maria Rilke (“Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke, 1892-1910,” p. 191; W.W. Norton
& Company)
I think
I’m doing a life review these days. I’ve discovered an amazing thing: when I
look back on my life from this distance, I only remember the good things. It’s a
paradox, don’t you think, to remember times that were, in fact, extremely difficult,
and feel grateful for them. Strange memories arise from of the most difficult
days of my childhood, like an Easter dress my grandmother made when I was about
eight—lavender with multicolored piping around the tiered skirt. I felt like a
tomboy-princess in that dress. The only picture I have of it is in black and
white; I’m wearing a shy smile and scuffed saddle oxfords, and standing by a
roughly built, mossy, rock wall. My mind fills in the colors and the “Easter
shoes” that would eventually be worn—white Mary Janes with a buckle strap. I
like this part of aging—all the painful memories are still there, but
inexplicably, they don’t hurt any more.
According
to Rilke, we most clearly see the joys and blessings our lives yield when
they are set against a backdrop of heart break and sorrow. Memories of
happiness stand out and seem even more vivid and beautiful. Life is structured
this way for most of us, most of the time—it’s meant to show us both sides of
the equation. We see that even in the dark times, there is goodness, and even
in the best of times, there can be darkness. That’s true about life events,
personal journeys, and living relationships—the give and take. The ebb and
flow. It’s called “normal.”
One of
the reasons to strive for a long life is to allow this natural process to take
place. When you’re going through difficult times, personal struggles, lost
love, you can’t appreciate what wonderful teachers they are. It’s only in
retrospect, and with some years between that we can see how that event, or that
person, fit into the total picture of who we are. Looking back, we see clearly the
mistakes we made, the opportunities we took advantage of, and which ones we
left lying on the table; who we walked away from and why; who we walked toward,
and how each decision we made shaped us. It’s kind of like reading a good book—one
you don’t want to put down or finish.
Stop
for a moment today and just appreciate the life you have lived so far. Bless
both the joys and the difficulties—they are sisters that go hand in hand.
Looking back, is there anything you would change if you could? How would you be
different? What did you learn?
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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