Speak Your Truth

 

Life Lessons

“When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy.”

Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakening)

          For a Southern woman, this is one of the hardest lessons life has to offer. We are steeped from conception in how to mince our words, how to say things in a non-threatening manner, and how to obfuscate and straight up lie if we think what we have to say will not be well received. If we can’t say something in a way that will not upset the apple cart, we simply say, “Well, bless your heart.” It’s cliché, I know, but true.

          So, learning how to speak oneself plainly is an up-hill struggle. I can speak for myself—there was a lot of my life that I bit my tongue, held my breath, because when a woman speaks her mind in Southern company she is perceived as angry, or aggressive, or “nasty.” Un-learning that is a challenge. The result is that we wait until provoked to the point of exploding, and then the communication truly is angry, and usually aimed below the belt. No one can hear that sort of message without putting up their defenses.

          The trick is, and I am still a novice at this, learning how to form words into sentences that are both direct and non-aggressive. It’s not an easy thing to do. When someone says something we need to respond to, that hesitation Mark Nepo writes about in the quote above, is the beginning of cloaking ourselves. Of disguising our truth behind a curtain of veils. The danger in doing this cloaking is, and I speak this from experience, that no one truly knows us. If we fail to reveal ourselves authentically, then no one can understand our true selves. It is a lonely place to be. If we learn, and practice, couching our every thought and every word in acceptable language, then we are not speaking from our hearts, but from our brains. And, our relationships that are heart-based suffer as a result. It’s a paradox that we hesitate for fear of hurting the relationship, and in doing so, hurt the relationship even more.

          The only advice I can offer on this is meager because I am still learning myself. Just be honest, communicate from your reality in a way that matches your heart. Recognize your anger or frustration, but also stay connected to whomever you are speaking to. Remember this: “life is always where you are,” (Nepo) and honesty is the best connection. Good luck with this.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane