Recognizing
Loss
“…I
would like to propose that central to understanding our lives is understanding
how we deal with loss…the people we are and the lives we lead are determined,
for better or worse, by our loss experience.”
Judith
Viorst (Necessary Losses)
One of
the things that keeps coming back to me during this pandemic is 9/11. We lost
about 3,000 souls that day and all of us stood in shock and disbelief as the
towers of the World Trade Center turned to ash and shattered to the ground. It was a time of universal mourning—not just
in America, but all around the world. Our friends and allies stood with us; had
their own ceremonies and moments of silent vigil. Every year since, we have
read the names of those who perished at the memorial built to commemorate them.
Contrast
that with today. In the US, we have lost 136,621+/- people to the coronavirus pandemic.
Worldwide, that total is 560,460+/-. That’s almost twice as many people as live in the city of Birmingham; it’s half the population of cities such as San Jose,
Houston, San Antonio, Charlotte. We have yet to have an official day of
mourning. A day acknowledging our terrible loss—and those losses continue unabated.
Here in the US, news anchors and radio commentators talk about a handful of
people at a time who’ve died—about who they were, what their lives were like,
naming them. And, of course, we’ve been told which celebrities have died from
complications of the virus. But we have had no national recognition of the
cumulative hundred thousand plus people who have died in just the last six
months.
The way a person deals
with loss, and the way a nation deals with loss, says a great deal about that
person or nation. The fact that mourning is not taking place now is part of the
grand “hoodwinking” we’re trying to pull over on ourselves. It accompanies the “not
wearing a mask” and the “we’re open for business” state of denial. It is
refusal to see reality and to allow the humongous losses we are suffering to
sink in. We have hardened our hearts, and instead of mourning our dead, we are
turning on one another. What does that say about us?
Contrast this, if you will,
with our response to a mass shooting, or an accidental death in this country. We
cover sidewalks and decorate fences with flowers and candles; we swath entrances
to buildings with banners of love, and place stuffed animals on city streets;
we write personal notes to the families of the dead. That’s who we are as a
people. We recognize one another’s losses, we celebrate lives we've lost, we offer each
other comfort. Why is that not happening now? Do we need to call upon our
leaders for a national day of mourning? Or do we just continue to carry these
losses within? Which do you think is a healthier response to this national
tragedy?
In the Spirit,
Jane
2 comments:
I believe that we are in pre-grief, like living with someone who is dying. So many people are still in the process, unlike the 9/11 event that occurred on one day, in specified locations, and we all had the same visuals. Right now everyone I know seems to be experiencing death and dying in silos, in isolation, in spits and spurts. Some who seem untouched by the loss of lives and the old norms.
What we seem to be experiencing with the racial protests seem to the results of experiences such as the pandemic: over a long period of time, affecting some more than others How many times have POC been killed by police and obvious bias been shown?
I wonder if we will experience an explosion of grief and outrage when a vaccine is discovered and a new average is established? I wonder about collective anger at what occurred and how people were manipulated into putting themselves at risk.
Thank you for this column today. I think we are going to have to start our mourning. We cannot wait for others to start it. Maybe we need little altars to the dead everywhere. Maybe we need each of us to start thinking of all of these important vital people lost to the world.
I envision each of us sharing as I am now and as you did our grief and losses.
Thank you Jane for starting this process.
with love
Melissa
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