Be Extra Kind

Communicate Consciously

“People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.”

Abraham Hicks

          Some of us are sensitive to what we perceive as criticism. And many of us perceive much of what is said to us as criticism. Sometimes, it’s not even the words themselves, but the tone in which they are spoken. Someone could even say, “You’re beautiful,” and depending upon their tone of voice, or their facial expression, we might interpret it as criticism. This is a major frustration in intimate relationships—we learn one another’s tone and body language, and we know whether what is being said is true, not true, critical, cynical, or sarcastic. We’ve now had thousands of years human evolution to log all the possible expressions and we are programed to comprehend their meaning.

          Depending on our personality, our personal history, and our level of emotional maturity, we communicate clearly. Human beings are so complicated and nuanced, and innate intelligence may or may not make a difference in the clarity with which we communicate. I’m always shocked when people I know to be highly educated and on the upper end of the bell-curve in intelligence, say and do incredibly unintelligent things. In truth, intelligence and emotional maturity are sometimes disconnected from one another. People do what psychologists call “compartmentalizing;” they may have a brilliant mind in one area, and an incredibly immature and arcane belief system in another. Emotionally, we may stay child-like in our responses to events and words.

          So, when Abraham Hicks (aka Esther Hicks) says, “none of it has anything to do with you,” it’s true. Not that your behavior is perfect, but that the intention behind it may be misperceived by the other person based upon their own personal history and emotional maturity. What we tend to do is project our perceptions onto the other person, based upon our own insecurity or confidence. We hear and see what we want to, and we respond emotionally to our interpretation and not necessarily to the actual words or intentions of the other.

          In other words, we don’t have to swallow hook, line, and sinker what another person says to or about us. We can assume that it has as much to do with them as it does with us—maybe more. Sometimes, what we have said or done tweaks a sore spot—a memory, an action, they experienced before that hurt them. And the same goes for us.

          It’s important, especially during this time of high anxiety, to be aware of what and how we communicate with others. It’s also important, to realize that we’re all stressed out about this pandemic, and we’re feeling the effects of our isolation from social interaction. Be kind in your communication whenever possible. And wear a thicker skin (along with a mask!)

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane