Time Is Your Friend

Aging with Grace

“Age brings diminishments, but more than a few come with benefits. I’ve lost my capacity for multitasking, but I’ve discovered the joy of doing one thing at a time. My thinking has slowed a bit, but experience has made it deeper and richer. I’m done with big complex projects, but more aware of the loveliness of simple things: a talk with a friend, a walk in the woods, sunsets and sunrises, a night of good sleep.”

Parker Palmer (On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity, & Getting Old, Prelude)

          Parker Palmer is a national treasure; an elder both intellectually and spiritually. In this book, published when he was almost 80, he explores the territory of old age as a gift and not as a time to dread. Being the most at-risk age for death by corona virus, I have been thinking about the same thing. Life is a gift from birth until death and growing old is truly a fringe benefit. Whereas my parents and grandparents’ generations, and certainly the ones before them, had a far shorter life expectancy, my “boomer” generation is living well into their 90’s. At least we were before Covid-19.

          I don’t know about you, but my experience of life as a gift of grace did not come until I passed the 60-year mark. Much of my life seemed like a struggle at the time it was happening. Now I realize that most of my struggles were of my own making. I’m glad to be here and to be clear-headed enough to ponder and plan without the distraction of emotional upheavals and insecurities. Like Palmer, I’m slower, can’t multi-task and my words sometimes fail me. I text one letter at a time, and if I’m walking the dog, I must stand still to do even that! But, now, it’s okay to just stop and finger tap. I’m not is a rush, and after at least sixty years of rushing around, that feels pretty good.

          If you are a young person now, I hope you grow old knowing that life doesn’t end at forty. It doesn’t end when you begin to see gravity having its way with your face, or your metabolism putting a few extra pounds around your midsection. Stay the course, keep up your exercises and your spiritual practice, and your life will widen, deepen, and enrich itself. The greatest thing about getting older is that you have friends who have walked with you through all your days; through all the neurotic hand-wringing and dark nights of the soul, the births of babies and the difficulties and joys of marriage. It’s quite an unexpected treasure to have the same friends for forty years or more.  

          Every now and then I think I’ll take on a big, complex project, but then I come to my senses—now is the time for small projects and short-term commitments of time and energy. Now is the time for long walks, good conversations, afternoon naps, appreciating the beauty of this world, and contemplation of what comes next. Just like Parker Palmer says, “Every day, I get closer to the brink of everything.” Whether we are young or old, we all are moving toward the brink of everything. Don’t miss anything if you can help it.

                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane