Trust Builders

Close Friendships

“The ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self: the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone, and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.”

David Whyte

I've been pondering the nature of friendship a lot lately, of how much we rely on peer relationships from the time we are young children until our last breath. Some of us have spouses and children and sisters and brothers with whom we are close, but friendships are a special category of their own. With family members, especially spouse and children, we put up natural guardrails to keep from hurting them, or to protect them from knowing the worst of us. With our closest friends, however, we let those protections go and trust them with who we are in all our dimensions. Sometimes we behave in less than laudable ways, and have traits and motivations that we can't share with anyone except our very best friend. We know that they will not walk away even when we are at our worst.

And the same is true for them—we listen, we see their best and worst, we sometimes feel disappointed in what they are doing or where they seem to be headed, but we don't walk away. We accept the privilege and responsibility of being witness to the events of their lives that are cause for celebration or sorrow. We stand beside them even when we think what they are doing is a big mistake.

For me friendships are the primary drivers of emotional growth. Perhaps they are for you, too. We move through many phases with friends over decades—times of wanting to change them, of wanting to change our relationship, of criticizing and judging their actions and our own. We don't always appreciate what a privilege it is to have friends that we trust with all our ugly emotional wrinkles and personality quirks. Today, I am moving closer to doing that. I accept myself as a fully flawed human being, and as a beloved child of God. And, I can do that because friends accept me that way, too.

It is a privilege to have friends who love you. I hope today you will let your best friends know how much you appreciate them. We cannot do this life alone, and fortunately, we don't have to.

                                                                  In the Spirit,

                                                                    Jane