Living
in Community
“Life
with someone else...doesn't show me nearly as much about his or her
shortcomings as it does about my own...That's how relationships
sanctify me. They show me where holiness is for me. That's how
relationships develop me. If I'm the passive victim-type, then
assertiveness may have something to do with coming to wholeness. If
I'm the domineering character in every group, then a willingness to
listen and to be led may be my call to life. Alone, I am what I am,
but in community I have the chance to become everything I can be.”
Joan
Chittister, OSB
As a single, older woman,
I have to create community where I can find it. Sometimes, I am so
used to being alone, I forget that I need others in my life. It is
usually when I offend someone by being unconscious in my comments
that I am brought back to that awareness. Recently, I've made a conscious
effort to make amends to people I've hurt or angered with my
opinions. When you live alone, you get used to hearing your own
opinions and speaking them plainly. Sometimes, we (I) forget that
others may be listening with different ears, and may be wounded by
those comments.
Relationships are both
the grain of sand in the soft-tissue of our oyster shell, and our
salvation. They ruff us up, irritate us no end, and yet we have no
pearls without them. They cause us to grow and change if we let them.
Good relationships don't let us rest on our laurels for long. They
challenge us to do better, to be better. Without them, we just become
more of who we are, which is not always a good thing. Being with
others who have different views of the world from ours helps us to
gain perspective and hopefully, compassion.
For me, one of the models
of how to age gracefully and grow into the best you possible is Jimmy
Carter. He and Rosalynn did not stop living productive lives when
they left Washington. In fact, they entered into life even more
deeply through building Habitat for Humanity houses and working side
by side with everyday people. I trust the wisdom gained from being
part of that community more than what comes out of any Ivy-League think tank. Their
humility comes directly from that involvement.
If you have good
relationships, nurture them. If you have bad relationships, learn
from them. All human relationships are sacred contracts. We may not
be able to identify what sort of contract we have entered into with
another, but we can allow ourselves to learn from them what there is to be taught. What that requires is humility, openness and the desire to
be everything you can be—to become you in your wholeness, body, mind
and soul. That's your gift to the world.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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