Trying too hard?

Trying To Be Perfect

“Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be.”

Melody Beattie (The Language of Letting Go)

I had a bad experience this week. Someone had commissioned bed sized quilt. Usually when I take such a commission, I ask the client to choose the colors and let me take it from there. This person, however, had a particular quilt in mind and was set on choosing the pattern herself. She sent me a picture of the quilt as she had seen it online—that was last summer. I began peicing the quilt. It went through four revisions before finding the right combination of color and alignment. Once I put it together, I hated it, but I kept working, taking things apart, trying new fabrics, until it felt like something I could live with. I hand quilted, because it was too big to sew with my machine. In short, I spent about ten months wrestling with this quilt. When I delivered it with along with the bill, $500+cost of materials, her husband loved it and paid for it without question. That night I got a call from the wife, saying “We love the quilt, but we're disappointed with the size. Do you charge less for a smaller quilt?” Instead of pointing out the fact that she herself had chosen the pattern, my instantaneous response was to question my own worth. Somehow, I had delivered a 'less than perfect' quilt. It must mean that I am an imposter, and not really a skilled quilter who's been making quilts for close to forty years! I wonder; do you do this sort of thing? Do you expect perfection of yourself, and feel that at any moment, you'll be exposed for the fraud that you are?

The truth is, many well educated, over-achievers do harbor such feelings. There is an underlying insecurity that they don't deserve success and when they achieve it, it must be a mistake. The quest for perfection is an impossible mountain to climb. It takes a toll on people who almost always deliver in a stellar manner, and it keeps droves of people from achieving all that they are capable of. The fear of failure keeps us from trying new things; striving for perfection keeps us from enjoying our successes. It's a hamster wheel going nowhere.

When I find myself running that gauntlet, I come back to Melody Beattie and her affirmations. I am okay, just as I am. I am right where I need to be. I don't need to be perfect, only good-enough. They work for me. I hope they work for you too.

In the spirit,

Jane