Untie
Your Wings
“People
want you to be happy.
Don't
keep serving them your pain!
If
you could untie your wings
and
free your soul of jealousy,
you
and everyone around you
would
fly up like doves.” Rumi
I
once had a counseling client who taught mathematics at a prep school
here in Alabama. During summer breaks, he lived in Nashville and
wrote lyrics for some of county music's biggest stars. He and his
wife of several years had broken up and he felt sad and lonely and
somewhat depressed. We did all the usual things; looking at past
relationships, family of origin, present dilemmas. He could easily
point out what had happened in his marriage, how his absences and
interests had drawn him away and left a vacuum which she had filled
with someone else. He had loads of insight but seemed unable to shake
the emotions of loss and grief. After many months of weekly sessions,
he had a eureka moment—he didn't want to give up his sadness
because it fueled his creativity. He loved writing sorrowful ballads
from the depths of his feelings of abandonment, and he made a lot of
money doing it. He went away happy with his decision to stay sad.
Most
of us, however, don't like to feel sad and forlorn, and we look for
ways to fill the void in our lives. Other people can certainly make a
difference; a life without love is a cheerless proposition. Work or
dedication to a cause does it for some of us—makes us feel useful
and important. But the major cure for loneliness is getting deeply
involved in one's own life. When we find an abiding interest in who we are,
who lives inside this skin, what is her true name, what is his deepest passion,
life begins to open up in unexpected ways. Having a solid grip on
self gives us ground to stand on when we encounter others; suddenly
we have something to share besides our brokenness. What we may find
is that we don't feel lonely any more. We feel full and whole and
have wings to 'fly up like doves'.
In
the spirit,
Jane
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