Spirit
of Oneness
“I
saw the spindrift come off the waves, lacy spray blowing off the cresting surf,
drops of water that looked like fine snow, the powder that blows off hills in
the wind. Just then, still hunkered down, attentive, amazed, the wind blowing the
clouds into new formations, the center held all those hearts beating at the
same time, the otters’, the ocean’s, and mine.”
Anne
Lamott (Dusk, Night, Dawn: On Revival and Courage, p.207-208; Riverhead Books,
2021)
Anne
Lamott describes here a moment of oneness in which she felt her own connection
with the universe. It’s been called a “peak experience,” a “transcendent
moment,” an “awakening.” She describes it as the center holding together. Most
of us have had a few of these moments. They tend to be turning points in our
lives. It feels as though something dormant, some sleeping giant, or goddess,
wakes within us and sees the truth of things clearly for the first time. These
pivotal moments are thresholds of awareness from which there is no way back. You
know what you must do, and you have the courage to do it.
The
secret about those moments is that you cannot manufacture them; you cannot even
choose when they happen. You can try to replicate them, you can chase them, you
can travel to all the thin places in the world, and not experience them again. They
are what my friend Dejuana calls “God moments,” because it is God who decides
when and how they happen.
Anne
Lamott was still a year away from sobriety when this experience occurred. Still
bedraggled and in pain. But she knew she would never be the same again. I think
that the struggle is necessary for this kind of awakening. Always when I write
about this sort of ultimate change, I think of Jacob in the Genesis 32:22-31 story
of his return home after years of hard labor in service to his father in law.
The river Jabbok is a dark and lonely place, and Jacob is alone when the angel
comes to wrestle with him. But his center holds, and he hangs on through the
dark night until the angel begs Jacob to let him go because the day is dawning.
Jacob refuses until he receives the angel’s blessing.
When we wrestle with our
angels, or our demons (take your pick), if we can stick with it, like Jacob on
the Jabbok, we receive a blessing. And that blessing usually brings with it
humility and change of character. The change is not one easily forgotten. We
can’t sweep is under the rug and carry on as before. We are a new creation.
May this Thanksgiving Day
find you newly blessed with your center holding. Give thanks for all that you have and will have, and especially for the people
who love you. May all your hearts beat together. I give thanks for you.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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