Unresolved
Issues
“Your
unresolved issues will continue to call—in experiences to teach you what you
need to learn.”
Bryant
McGill (Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life)
Any
time we immerse ourselves in our family of origin, we can expect to see unresolved
issues rise to the surface and sometimes boil over. Unresolved issues are usually
the source of all family fracture lines—and like fault lines in the earth, when
they move, the potential for damage is high.
Family gatherings are the
stage upon which unresolved issues that have existed for ages are acted out,
generation after generation. The cure for these enactments is not alcohol and
plenty of it—even though that is the solution many of us seek. The cure is not “retail
therapy,” even if you are great at finding bargains and little treasures hiding
among the junk. The cure is certainly not having the most wounding snarky
comments, accusations, or the better put-down. Those escalate the battle. There
is only one solution for unresolved issues—work through them with as much
kindness as possible.
Families store up issues
over generations with one generation feeding poison to the next to keep it
going. Somebody didn’t pull their weight, somebody was a show-off, mother loved
you better than me, no one ever celebrated my birthday…and on and on and on. We
can play our part in keeping the family saga going for another generation by shooting
daggers at one another, or we can address the very real pain we are in because
an issue has not been exposed and resolved. Truth is the road to deliverance—not
hiding and deflecting and projecting.
All unresolved issues are
grounded in fear—jealousy, envy, anger, hurt, sorrow, lack of self-esteem,
depression. We inflict our pain on others rather than dealing with it
constructively because we tell ourselves that it cannot be resolved. We say, “It’s
always been this way. He/she is never going to change. It’s pointless.” What can
be resolved by giving up? There is no climbing the mountain without putting one
foot in front of the other. But it can be climbed. It can even be summited. And
to live a good and happy life, one must make that climb—one step at a time.
A friend of mine who recently
lost his twin brother told me how difficult it is to make amends to one’s loved
ones after they are gone. Regret is an overwhelmingly painful emotion.
Unresolved issues cause deep and lasting regret; they drain the color from a life
that has all the potential in the world. It’s not worth it. Love and
forgiveness are worth whatever price you have to pay. Go after it with a fierce
and determined heart. Take one issue at a time, put one foot in front of the
other, and don’t give up until you reach the summit.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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