Forgive
and Walk Away
“We're
not taught to look at what's going on and say, 'Look what I have
created in my life. Isn't that interesting?' Instead we're taught to
judge, lay blame, accuse, play victim, and seek revenge. Neither are
we taught to think that our lives are directed by forces other than
our own conscious mind—but in truth, they are.”
Colin C.
Tipping (Radical Forgiveness)
Our pastor said something
in his sermon yesterday that made me think. The text was the story of
the Prodigal Son, which I believe almost everyone knows by
heart. The pastor called it a story of erroneous assumptions and radical forgiveness. In that
story, the father is asked by his younger son to give him his
inheritance early so he can launch himself into the world. So the generous father divides his wealth and gives half to each of his sons. The
younger goes off to “a foreign country” and spends his cash on
dissolute living until his pockets are empty. Hungry, he hires
himself out to a pig farmer to slop the pigs—a job
that, of course, no decent Hebrew would take. In the midst of that
terrible experience, and still hungry, he comes to his senses,
decides to go home an beg his father's forgiveness. The father,
seeing his son coming from a distance, is so happy he sends for the
fatted calf and throws a big party to welcome him home. The older
son, comes in from working in the fields, and sees what is going on,
and that the celebration is for his deadbeat brother. He pitches a
fit, yells at his father for being such a schmuck, and refuses to
join the party. He is absolutely incensed that the father has
rewarded his little brother, and he feels excluded from his father's
love and appreciation for his loyalty and hard work. Big brother,
becomes the victim—even though, he too received half the father's
wealth, and it was his choice to stay home and work the farm. His response is just
what Colin C. Tipping suggests in Radical Forgiveness—blame,
accuse, judge, play victim, and seek revenge. Ever wonder why we
humans do that?
Underneath the older
brother's victim response was probably the old adage, “You always
loved him best!” He'd most likely been carrying that resentment his
whole life. Every child who sees him/herself as a victim of
mistreatment at the hands of parents feels that way at some point in
their lives. The victim wound is one that stays with us even when we
disclaim it. But it becomes unconscious—it goes under-ground and only
comes out when something current happens that nicks the thin skin
covering it. We get passed over for a raise, or someone else is hired
in the job we want. We see someone who's made it big and we entertain
a moment of resentment for their good luck. We go through a painful
divorce, and can't seem to pull ourselves out of the blame game, as
though we had no part in the dissolution of the marriage. We may not
call ourselves a victim, but we think and act like one.
The only solution for victim mentality, is to enter into radical forgiveness. In essence,
if you kill the victim, you walk away with your freedom. It is our
prerogative to carry the notion that we have somehow been slighted for
our entire lives if we want, but it will make for an unhappy life,
and will poison our relationships. We may have had a rough childhood
experience—plenty of us did—but it's up to us to lay it down and
walk away. That may seem unfair, but it's true. Radical forgiveness
equals freedom from victimhood. Isn't that what we want?
In the Spirit,
Jane
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