Feeling Lonely?

Open to the World

“Your great mistake is to act the drama

as if you were alone. As if life

were a progressive and cunning crime

with no witness to the tiny hidden

transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny

the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely

even you, at times, have felt the grand array;

the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding

out your solo voice...”

David Whyte (from “Everything Is Waiting For You”)

I want to thank those of you who respond to my blog from time to time. This poem came to me from Garvice after he had read my tribute to Mary Oliver. The poem goes on to describe all the ordinary things we overlook as being part of our lives, as being familiar friends—even the soap dish by our kitchen sink, and the birds in the yard, the windows and doors and phones that connect us with the world outside ourselves. I received an email this week from Ouida, whom I've never met, telling me she reads the blog and sometimes passes it on to friends. Susan and Linda, also friends I've never met, often send me supportive messages and even material that caught their eye. You can't imagine how important these things are to me. They keep me going. Thank you.

Back to Whyte's poem: There are so many people nowadays who live alone—some are young people, but most are folks in their so called “golden years.” As of 2014, 12 million Americans over the age of 65 live alone, and 69% of those are women. Most of the women I know who live by themselves are active and involved in their communities, but even so, living alone has it's challenges—and one of those is loneliness. We have what psychologists call an epidemic of loneliness. Some attribute this to the illusion of the internet, and our attachment to every sort of screen. We may stay on Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat for hours everyday, and still feel unrelated and disconnected. We rattle around our houses, yearning for real connection. What we often don't do is reach out—not just to other people, but to the world at large.

I asked my sons for a bird feeder and seeds for Christmas this year. They gave them to me, and then Jake asked me, “Are you turning into Papa?” referring to my grandfather, who lived to the age of 91 in a nursing home (by choice) and kept several stocked bird feeders outside his window. I said, “Yes, I am.” and promptly hung them outside my kitchen window so I wouldn't miss the action. I looked out yesterday, and five giant black crows were muscling their way around the suet that had fallen on the ground, They remind me of Hell's Angels, with their sleek black feather-coats. When I'm out walking Liza, I watch the sky for hawks, and am ridiculously thrilled when I see one. Right now the starlings and robins are migrating through in huge flocks that cover the ground and the trees. I love to watch them move as if they are one body.

We have to widen our lens so that we can see everything that surrounds and supports us. When we think of home, we can extend our image to include all of the life that is available to us. We must reach out to friends and family to engage with us, and keep us connected to life in the world. Getting involved in some sort of “work of the heart” is a great cure for loneliness.

Remember that you are not alone. You don't have to act out the drama of your life as though it is a one-man show. When you feel lonely, reach out, get involved, work with gratitude for what already exists, and you will find that what you are grateful for expands. If all else fails—get a bird feeder! It's way more entertaining than Facebook!

                                                       In the Spirit,

                                                          Jane