Burnished
Surfaces
“When we
are stuck in our convictions and personas, we enter into the disease
of having good ideas and being right. My Jesuit friend Tom used to
say that he never noticed what he was feeling; only that he was
right. We think we have a lock on truth, with our burnished surfaces
and articulation, but the bigger we pump ourselves up, the easier we
are to prick with a pin. And the bigger we get, the harder it is to
see the earth under our feet.”
Anne
Lamott (Almost Everything: Notes on Hope, p.29)
One of the things I've
noticed is that when people are down and out they become
judgmental—and that includes me. When we feel trodden on because
all the beliefs, institutions, and people we've held near and dear
turn out to be less than we imagined, we begin to criticize and
judge. When we're afraid of the future, we find fault with anyone who
seems a likely target. Having a scapegoat to blame for our plight is a
way of displacing anxiety. And it's WAY easier than looking
clearly at ourselves.
I grew up in a family
just like the folks described above. We were not dirt poor,
but we never had more than enough. Life included alcoholism,
disability, and mental health issues. We were constantly on guard,
and always looking for a good villain to blame for our troubles.
People who didn't have the same struggles we did, especially if they
were financially well-off, were a good enough target. We resented the ease of
life they seemed to exhibit, without knowing much about them or their
reality. We seemed to believe that all problems could be solved with
money, so they had no right to complain about theirs.
All that displaced anger
works for a while—some of us even embrace it for a lifetime, but it
doesn't begin to solve the problem. That's because the problem is
with us and our worldview. Until we look within, we won't find
solutions. I have to admit, anger is a strong drug. We feel powerful
and righteous and infallible when we're good and mad. But anger has
never been a solver of problems, and most of the time it makes any
situation worse—especially when it comes to relationships.
The time has come to lay
down our indignation and sit down and listen to each other—at every
strata of life. When we try to understand where someone else is
coming from, instead of judging them from the start, we are far more
likely to make peace with them. It may mean we have to move off our
“standing ground,” erase our red line, and put a pin in our
blown-up egos. But when we are able to listen with our hearts, we
will find that other people are—amazingly--just like us.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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