Nothing Goes Away

Demons and All

“In the spiritual life, nothing goes away. There is no heavenly garbage dump. It's all here, wherever we are. Everything belongs. Even forgiveness does not mean it goes away. It means we forgive it for being there, nothing more. Even our demons do not go away. As Robert Bly wisely said, 'You don't get rid of demons, you just educate them.'”

Richard Rohr (Quest for the Grail)

When I ran across this quote by Richard Rohr, I was reminded of my own misspent youth. I thought that if there were a “heavenly garbage dump” mine would have to be a toxic landfill. Oh, my goodness, talk about your hot messes! In my middle years, I felt such guilt about some of the things I had done, but now, from decades of distance, I am truly grateful for my days of infamy. They were signs of life in dark times. On the surface, they were black as night, but at their core, they were lanterns in the darkness. That was me then—this is me now. I would not be the me I am now had I not been the me I was then. “Everything belongs.” I wonder whether you've had times in your past that you aren't proud of—if not, as my friend Dehryl would say, “It's never too late for a misspent youth.”

We all have our demons—things that haunt us and cause us pain. Being able to forgive ourselves helps; confession to someone we trust also helps. But the demons will always be there. What we have to do is make friends with them. They are kind of like mile-markers on a highway—they give us clues as to what motivates us at a given time and place. One of my demons is lack of confidence—he's pea-green and has big, pointy ears. He keeps me humble, but he's also capable of crushing my initiative, causing me to miss opportunities. All demons, like all people, have a dark side and a light side. You just have to know which side you're dealing with to stay safe. And, when they're showing your their darkness, you have to call them on it. “Oh, yes,” you say, “I see what you're up to! Not happening!” And then you give them a cup of tea and go on with your day.

We are all of a piece. Our past, present and future exists in this moment. Some of it is kosher, some not, some spicy, some bland—all of it belongs. The very best we can do is open our arms and welcome it in—demons and all.

                                                              In the Spirit,

                                                                 Jane