Civility and Empathy

A Crack in the Heart

“…Something softly precise
like a crack in the birdbath
makes it clear that all is not lost,
for as the bird splashes,
the water widens the crack,
and of all the ways I’ve seen myself
the bird is who I really am
and it splashes in my heart,
driving who knows what
through the crack...”
Mark Nepo (excerpt from “Carving the Raft into a Flute”)

In the 1980's, I attended a seminar given by Scott Peck at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church in Birmingham. Something he said that sticks with me is, “Only a broken heart is open enough for empathy.” At the time, I wondered what he meant. Now, I know without doubt the truth of his statement. It takes a lifetime of making mistakes and doing stupid things to realize just how flawed we are. All of us do dumb, sometimes tragic, things. We hurt others even when we don’t mean to, and we are hurt by others even when that is not their intention. We all say things we wish we could take back. Realizing the enormity of our own defects is an important step on the path to consciousness. Until we see our shadow, our dark-side, we will project it onto others and condemn them. Once we are aware of, and admit to our faults, we’re less likely to judge others. As Jesus said, “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” (John 8:7)

Empathy, along with civility, appear to be lost arts in today's world. We are louder and less considerate in what we say and do. Some of us have stopped watching television news because the level of hostile hyperbole is so amplified. One comes away feeling angry and battered. If I watch too much, I feel paranoid and hostile! I am reminded of that old Road Runner cartoon in which Wiley Coyote pushes a huge boulder up a steep mountain and then tries to outrun it when it rolls down. He always gets squashed. Squashing people seems to be the goal these days and we are all being squashed. It is difficult to tell truth from fiction, and easy to get caught up in the aggressive incivility. One wonders where all this anger will lead us.

We would do well to step back and take a few deep breaths. We could serve the greatest good by taking time to decide for ourselves what is worth saying before we say it, and what is worth believing before we believe it. Empathy and civility go hand in hand. They both require a crack in the heart---not to mention, a brain in the head.

In the Spirit,
Jane