Humble Love

Fierce Humility

“At some thoughts one stands perplexed, especially at the sight of men's sins, and wonders whether one should use force or humble love. Always decide to use humble love. If you resolve on that once for all, you may subdue the whole world. Loving humility is marvelously strong, the strongest of all things and there is nothing else like it.”

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

My little sister, Missy, had a profound effect on everyone who knew her. Missy had cerebral palsy, and could neither walk nor speak. She never worked at a job, cooked a meal, cleaned a house, or drove a car. She had no relationships in the world except with those who came to her. She could not feed herself, dress herself, or ask for what she needed. Yet she had a fierce personality, a joyful strength, and exuberance for life  that few people ever experience. She had no capacity for arrogance or maliciousness, no choice but to accept what was offered to her in the way of care. Without the kindness of others, she would have died. Her humility brought out the best in other people. When we were little girls, I would stand Missy on my feet and dance with her; I would sing every song I knew—out of tune, but full of love. She would laugh and laugh and I would laugh, too. She was far and away the most joyful person I have ever known.

Henri Nouwen, Jesuit priest and scholar, wrote, “What makes us human is not our ability to think, but our ability to love.” He spent the last years of his life in a l’Arche community caring for a young man named Adam who had a disability similar to Missy’s. He wrote extensively about his experience in that community and the manner in which Adam’s love changed him. He attributed the ability of one such as Adam, or Missy, to change the people around them to the primacy of their hearts. He wrote, “Let me quickly say here that by heart I do not mean the seat of human emotions in contrast to the mind as the seat of human thought. No, by heart I mean the center of our being where God has hidden the divine gifts of trust, hope, and love.”

A human heart with no capacity for bitterness or hate is a great gift to the world. Growing up with Missy was a blessing without equal in my own life. I think this is the kind of fierce humility Jesus showed once he turned his face to Jerusalem, when he washed the feet of his disciples, when he healed the ear of the soldier Peter struck with his sword, and when he refused to defend himself before Pilot. He lived from his heart with trust, hope and love. He came from God and he knew he would return there.

Missy died on May 25, 2004. On my birthday, four months later, I dreamed about her: I was standing on a broad sweep of green lawn in front of an enormous castle. Missy walked up to me, stood on my feet, and we danced. It was a birthday gift that only she could give. Upon waking, I thought of the teaching of Jesus, “My father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?” (John 14:2 New International Version) The Adams and Missys of the world are here to teach us. They model humble love and marvelous strength.

                                                                In the Spirit,

                                                                   Jane