Shoaling
and Schooling
“In
biology, any group of fish that stays together for social reasons are
shoaling, and if the group is swimming in the same direction, they
are schooling.”
Wikipedia
I flipped back through my
filled-up journal of quotes, and found the one above recorded in
2015. I decided it fits my current situation. I came home from my
friends' house yesterday where I'd been shoaling for almost a week
post-op. It felt good to be home, to be quiet, to just be in my
familiar setting. It also felt a little too quiet, a little bit
lonely. I missed all their fins directing flow over my body and
keeping me safe in the school. But I was ready to be alone, too. I
don't think that's an option for fish—exponentially increases the
likelihood of being eaten. I am forever grateful to the flock of
women who always step up when I need care.
My friend, Rebecca, and I
were talking last night about the number of people we consider to be
“close friends.” Her definition of close friend is “someone who
would come if you were sick and needed to be taken care of.” Who
would you feel comfortable calling upon? I have several close friends, thank God,
and I have sons who would come to my rescue if asked. She has a sister, and some
friends, but no children. She feels the lack of children greatly—not
simply because there is not a younger generation of care-givers, but
because there are lessons only learned by birthing and rearing
children. Major lessons—not being forever the center of one's own
universe is the most crucial, I think.
Here is something to
think about before you are an old person, in need of care: Who would
I call if I needed help? Another question: Who do I know who might
need help, but has no friends or family to call upon? Could I
organize a care-team? Would I? The world is full of people who have
no group with whom to shoal; who do not school with a clan. We cannot
make decisions based upon our assumption that someone else will do
it. Willingness to help others is a human character trait that is
diminishing as we speak—people are busy, they don't have time,
that's why we have nursing homes, etc. But care-giving is not just
for the benefit of the recipient—it is soul work, and it is necessary
to the furtherance of one's own spiritual health. I am grateful to my
friends for the good care they are taking of me. May I go and do
likewise for others.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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