Button
Pushers
“Knowing
your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of
other people.”
Carl Jung
Who pushes your buttons?
For every one of us, there is at least one person who knows exactly
where our buttons are and how to tweak them to best result. And some
of us, myself included, have way more than one button. “Parents
know how to push your buttons because, hey, they sewed them on.”
(Camryn Manheim) We are usually most reactive to family members
simply because they know so well how to get their fingers on our
oldest, most sensitive buttons, and just punch, punch, punch. The
image I get as I write that is the play-fighting that chimps and
other mammal babies do to learn how to defend themselves. It's rough
and tumble—and necessary.
Truth is, we can go
through life with raw buttons from so much pushing, or we can figure
out how to unplug them. To do that—and believe me, I have a long
way to go—it helps to know that the button belongs to you, and
therefore, is yours to take care of. What I typically do, and perhaps
you do too, is rush to judgment. I decide that other person is just a
jerk, a know-it-all, and arrogant (expletive)--whatever my favorite
line of nasty nouns may be. And then, I don't go further than that. I
don't ask myself WHY they bother me so much—I just assume it's
because they're a “nasty noun.” Now, my button glows red. Now,
everyone knows where it is and how to push it.
If you are tired of
having your buttons pushed, and being mad as a wet cat all the time,
take a look within. What mirror are they holding up for you? What
piece of your own shadow, your own darkness is being reflected in
their behavior? Thomas Merton said, “I cannot make the universe
obey me. I cannot make other people conform to my own whims and
fancies. I cannot make even my own body obey me.” If Thomas Merton couldn't do it, I surely can't. We cannot
change other people, even if we spend a lifetime trying. We can,
thankfully, understand that they, too, have buttons, and whenever
possible avoid pushing them. Most importantly, we can become aware of
our own, and when they are pushed, make smart decisions about how we
react. We'll know we've grown up when we can have our buttons pushed
and not respond in kind.
Final thought for the day
comes from the Dalai Lama: “Love is the absence of judgment.” I
need to tattoo that on my heart.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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