Unashamed
“I
decided that the single most subversive, revolutionary thing I could
do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.”
Anne
Lamott
As I've mentioned before,
I grew up in a mill town on the wrong side of the tracks. In that small town, population under 10,000, lived the very rich and the
very poor and a little sliver of folks in the middle. Not only was
the town racially segregated, but it was also segregated by social
class. If your family had means, you lived in one particular area of
town that had large houses with confident addresses. If not, then you
lived wherever you could manage the rent. The underlying assumption
seemed to be that you could work hard and aspire to become
“somebody,” but if you hadn't been born into it, you would never
make it past the entrance to that posh neighborhood. If you were
black, you would only make it there to mow the grass or keep the
house clean. The other understanding was that you should feel ashamed
for not being among the gentry—that you would always and forever be
“less than.”
Now, as an adult, I can
look back on that childhood experience and realize that the image I
held of that little town may not have been based in reality. It's
possible that I was steeped in shame on my own; that no one else put
that on me. When I go back there, and encounter the people who are denizens of the town, they are friendly and open-hearted. Perhaps
they always were. Certainly, they didn't have any power over me that
I didn't give them, but it's hard to know that as a child.
Feeling shame is like
having an anchor attached to your ankle. You can drag it around your
whole life for any number of reasons. You can make a list of all the
things that caused you to feel unworthy, unlovable, unacceptable—but
no one will be blessed, or even enhanced by it. Your shame serves no
one, so why continue to entertain it.
Letting go of shame is a
process. Most of the time, we need reminders; we take a few steps
forward and a few back. Learning to be okay with who you are, and who
you've always been is a boon to the world. What the world requires is
a fully developed, expansive you. Bring everything you have to this
day, and there will be no room for shame.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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