The
Secret Ingredient
“Through
my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds
relationships together. It's the magic sauce.”
Brene
Brown
So, it's Valentine's Day.
All you who love, and even those who deeply like, one another will be
celebrating today. Just because I'm a nerd, who likes to do research,
here's the back-story. Valentine's day has its roots in the Roman
festival of Lupercalia, a fertility rite celebrated on February 15th.
In the 5th century (496 CE), Pope Gelasius recast it to be a
Christian feast day for St. Valentine, and moved it up by one day.
Today's version has vestiges of both. In America, it's usually a time for spending large sums of money to wine and dine and gift one's
lover/husband/wife. In fact, the Huffington Post estimate for 2013's
Valentine's spending was 18.6 billion, with card, flower, food and
jewelry companies raking in most of it. Last year, 2016, it was 19.7 billion. The price of fertility has
gone up, y'all!
We do need to celebrate
our relationships, no doubt about it, but it may be that throwing
large sums of money at it is not the best way. The secret ingredient
that actually creates intimacy, is vulnerability. The definition of
vulnerability is, “capable of, or susceptible to, being wounded or
hurt.” It comes from exposing one's true self to another. Here's
the fact: we all hold back parts of ourselves in relationships,
either because we want to please our lover, or we want to appear
confident and invulnerable. In other words, we want to show only the
“best” parts of us to our significant other, so they will
continue to hold us in a rarefied light. It's human. But it keeps a
barrier in place that deflects genuine intimacy.
Today, on St. Valentine's
feast day, let your guard down and let your truth show. Give the one
you love a glimpse of you they haven't seen before. Be vulnerable,
and therefore, knowable and lovable.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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