Being
Typical
“To be
broken is no reason to see all things as broken.”
Mark Nepo
As you may know, my
educational background is in counseling. I am well steeped in
diagnosis and pathology. I was born with an analytical mindset that
is always assessing. But I've come to understand, though it's taken
far too long, that not every broken person or thing is pathological.
You know how sometimes when a broken bone heals incorrectly, it has
to be broken again and reset? Well, that's how I think of life
circumstances that crack us open—they provide, in addition to pain,
opportunities to reset.
I think we are a little
too quick to diagnose and prescribe. That no doubt comes from a
positive place—to make it better; to help this person get past
their trauma and move on. But sometimes, people need to stay with
their ill feelings, to sit with them until understanding comes, and a
new appreciation is gained. Not always, of course, but sometimes.
Remember Job, in the Old Testament? How he dons sackcloth and sits in
the ashes of his former life? He takes time to mourn. It's so
uncomfortable for his neighbors, that, in their attempts to make it
better, they only make it worse.
Sometimes what we think
of as pathological is simply a variation of normal—whatever normal
is. Sometimes, people don't need a label that helps them to identify
what sort of “deviation from the norm” they are; they just need
to find ways to accommodate their difference. There is no check list
when it comes to being typical, so that you know whether you fall
safely into the statistical mean. We humans are scattered across the bell curve
on many different measures beyond intelligence. Adaptability, for
instance, is a major skill, no matter what sort of cracks and breaks
you may have. I see this every week in my trips to Lakeshore, the
training site for the Paralympic teams. Talk about your adaptable
people!
In a kinder, gentler
world, we don't label people according to their differences, nor do
we celebrate some and not others. We just accept each person as they are—as we
are—with a mixture of gifts and deficits that add up to one
original and valuable human being.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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