Chemical
Reactions
“The
meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical
substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
Carl Jung
What is the impact of
other people on you? If you are extroverted, you very naturally
gravitate toward them; you want to know about them, to ask them a
dozen questions, and get a read on who they are and what they do. If
you are introverted, you likely wait for them to approach you, and
then, rather than engaging in the superficial banter so common in our
culture, you may find yourself an hour later knowing their entire
life story. It's quite surprising to me to observe the differences in
the ways people interact with others of our species.
We have all sorts of
reactions to people—positive, negative, neutral. We find them
interesting or not, engaging or not, attractive or not. When we
“click” with someone, that is, when we meet a kindred spirit,
there is an instantaneous attraction. It is as if the gods had
conspired to bring us together. And when we are repelled by someone,
the reaction is equally strong in the opposite direction. They are a
terrible person, they have no redeeming features, and we hope to
never see them again. And, sometimes people are absolutely invisible
to us. We don't notice them because they do not interest us. The way
we respond to others changes us—changes our attitude, our demeanor,
and sometimes even our personality.
When we have negative or
disinterested reactions to others, we tend to excuse it in ourselves; we justify or overlook it.
When others have these reactions to us, we tend to judge them for it.
We get our feelings hurt, we become defensive, and sometimes we even
mirror their attitude and behavior. We become like them in
temperament. It is good to be aware of how other people affect us, and
to question why it happens. Some would say that we give away our
power when others can control our moods. Some would say, as the
12-Step folks do, “what other people think of you is none of your
business.” It is good to ask oneself, what's going on with me that
this person can shake me up so much? What am I feeling, and why?
Scratching beneath the
surface, and examining our reactions to others is one of the best
ways of deepening our understanding of ourselves and how we relate to
the world. It's soul work.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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