Love the DNA
“We are
all born with a unique blue print, which lays out the basic
characteristics of our personality as well as our physical health and
appearance...And yet, we all know that life experiences do change
us.”
Joan D.
Vinge
Most of us, at some point
in our lives, like to believe that we are somehow different from our
parents—especially if we had a less than delightful childhood. And,
no doubt, we are different in that our DNA is a combination of our
two biological parents, and all the possible combinations of genetic
material they carried. But, let's face it, there is no way we do not
carry our parents' DNA, and with it, many of their traits. Likewise,
most of us have a parent we'd prefer to be more like than the other
one; in fact, we may spend our lives trying to be as different as
possible from one, or both. So, it comes as a shock when we
hear their words issuing forth from our own mouths, or we look in the
mirror and see them staring back at us.
This seems to happen more
as we age, perhaps because our clearest image of our parents is
what is most recent, when they are, or were older. I grew up
identifying with my father, as many girls do. I was a tom-boy, loved
to be included in men-only work and conversation, rejected the boring
domesticity of my mother's lot in life. I have his hands, his eyes,
his attitude, but nowadays, when I look in the mirror, it is my
mother's face I see. I spend my days doing many of the things she
did, and hear her voice in the inflection of my own. And, what's
worse, now I truly enjoy the boring domesticity of her life.
Life experiences change
us in many ways—because of my parents' sacrifice, I was able to
acquire the education they did not. That led to many experiences that
neither of them had. I live more in the wide world, with whole-world
ideas and considerations, as neither of them did. Life has added a
layer of material to my practical knowledge and understanding that
was not available to them. And yet, I am aware of them looking over
my shoulder, coaching me, admonishing me, sometimes, giving me a
piece of their minds. I carry them with me, because I am made from
their material, body and soul. And, these days, I am exceedingly grateful
for that.
What about you? Is there
a parent you've spent your life trying to outrun? Is it safe yet to
take a look at how like them you are? Who do you look like? Who do
you sound like? Can you embrace that likeness? Every person,
including every parent, has equal measure of good and not-so-good
traits. It's only when we can see and love them exactly as they are,
or were, that we begin to accept and love ourselves. But, sometimes, we have to crank our hearts open one millimeter at a time.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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