Chasing
Maturity
“Maturity
includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us
that we don't see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce
yourself.”
Marianne
Williamson
Do you find yourself
bumping into limits of your own making? Do you set out to do
something, something important to you, something you've thought about
all your life, but when it comes right down to it, your refuse to
take the final step? Do you feel that you need someone who knows more
than you do to pat you on the back and say, “Yes, you've got
this—go for it,” before you can make the final push? Is it fear
of rejection? Fear of success and how it will change your life?
Fear...just fear?
Don't worry; you're not
alone. A lot of smart, capable people harbor such fears. Others have
labeled it “Impostor Syndrome” because we have to attribute
pathology to every human foible these days. Wikipedia defines it this
way: “High achieving individuals marked by an inability to
internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being
exposed as a fraud.” I know a number of people, myself
included, who share this trait. I just call it lack of confidence
that shuts you down.
As children, some of us
were the identified “smart one” in our family unit, and some were
not. Some of us seized upon the one thing we were really bad at and
used it as indication of overall failure as a human being. I can't
say what causes us to do this, but perhaps there were subtle, and not
so subtle, messages from those in authority over us that humiliated
us and caused us to doubt ourselves. That was when we were children
and we're still carrying that wound and nursing it.
At any rate, coming to
terms with one's own lack of confidence is a big life challenge.
Taking the risk of being rejected, of not succeeding, of feeling that
childhood humiliation again, is a big hurdle to jump. There are many
such hurdles to jump on the road to maturity. My grandmother had a
word for what it takes to do that—gumption. It takes gumption to
face your self-built walls. Here's more of my grandmother's advice:
“Buck up, and get going!”
In the Spirit,
Jane
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