Grown-Up
Skills
“Out
of the welter of life, a few people are selected for us by the
accident of temporary confinement in the same circle. We never would
have chosen them for us. But thrown together on this island of
living, we stretch to understand each other and are enriched by the
stretching.”
Anne
Morrow Lindbergh (Gift from the Sea)
Every
now and then, when folks come for dinner, one of the dishes I make is
a giant salad with everything from carrots to nuts in it. Then I
watch as people pick and choose—one eats only spinach and goat
cheese; one picks out the tomatoes and mushrooms; one piles on extra
cheese and nuts...and so on. As for me, I would like to add
even more—anchovies or sardines, smoked oysters, maybe—things no
one else would eat. We are pickers and choosers, and most of us like
to play it safe. We tend to choose what we know we like, rather than
experiment with new tastes. Lots of us, when we go out to eat, go to
the same restaurant, and choose the same meal every time. No
surprises.
We
are the same when it comes to people and ideas. We like to associate
with like-minded folks; we bristle when people strongly disagree with
what we believe to be true. We have become more polarized in this way
with the advent of 24-7 news coverage with bias. We can choose to
listen only to people who reinforce our own biases, and never have to
hear an idea that is not in our wheelhouse. We like a strong-arm
approach, whether we're so-called “conservative” or “liberal.”
We're attracted to those who vigorously espouse our ideas, and disdain anything
different. Unfortunately, this has made us far less empathetic and
compassionate.
We
may also be missing out on opportunities to enrich our souls. It is
the aspects of life that are shocking, or unexpected that push us to
examine our set-in-concrete ideas of how the world “should” work.
Sometimes, in a chance meeting, when our guard is down and we are not
orchestrating the environment, we hear an idea, a turn of phrase, or
a different interpretation of a situation that changes everything. It
changes how we see the world. This is the way we grow. Living with
people who challenge us, changes us. Encounters with people and ideas
different from our own up-end our hard-line certainty of what is and
what is not “right.” And that's a good thing!
Being
open to seeing all sides of a situation is essential to mature
understanding. Listening, sharing ideas, striving to understand how
others think and feel—these are adult skills. And, Lord knows, we
need more grown-ups in this world!
Affirmation:
“Today, I will be open to new ideas.”
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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