"Good Pride"

Self-Assurance

“There are two kinds of pride, both good and bad. 'Good pride' represents our dignity and self respect. 'Bad pride' is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance.”

John C. Maxwell

Most Southern women of my era grew up with the message that humility is a virtue, and pride goes before the fall. We were taught to recede into the background unless we were called upon to be pretty, or witty, and to never “out-shine” the men around us. I remember my own mother furiously yelling at me, “Get down off your high-horse, young lady!” It was considered in poor taste for a woman to express a strong opinion, especially if it ran counter to the culture in which she lived. My sister, who was exceptionally smart, was considered by many in the family to be “spoiled,” and simply wanting to be “the center of the attention.” These messages, both implicit and explicit, were often crippling to girls. They undermined our self-confidence, and caused us to hesitate in situations that called for strong self-protection.

Boys, on the other hand, were taught to be bold, aggressive, and some would say, arrogant. In my day, a good high school quarterback was the golden child of the entire town—whether or not he was smart or witty. He could do no wrong. He was idolized, and pride was his birthright. Woe be it unto the boy who happened to be intellectual and bookish, or god-forbid, small and unmanly. He was shunned as less than adequate, and an embarrassment to his gender.

All of these messages fall into the category of “truly unfortunate” to me. Bad pride or low self-esteem are not conducive to becoming well-functioning adults who contribute to the good of the community. Children thrive when they are respected. When they are allowed the dignity of their own nature, they grow into adults who have “good pride,” which is self-assurance and healthy self-esteem.

It is never too late to change our messages, both to ourselves and to our young people. Conceit and superiority are never helpful, and neither are shame and self-abuse . Affirmations of “good pride,” such as “You can do this,” or “I like the way you think,” give us the self-assurance we need to hold up our heads, but not stick our noses in the air.

                                                             In the Spirit,

                                                                 Jane