Fact of Life:

Nothing is Perfect

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life...”

Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird)

Anne Lamott tells it exactly as she sees it. In Bird by Bird, her book subtitled, Some Instructions on Writing and Life, she devotes an entire chapter to perfectionism. It stems from all the voices in our heads that would (1) protect us from the pain of failure, and (2) make us question our right to succeed. Most of these voices originated in childhood when people told us that things have to be done a certain way—the right way. Anything else is wrong. They are the voices of the kids who made fun of us, or bullied us, and the parents who were disappointed we weren't more like them. Sometimes our teachers or coaches pointed out our flaws in ways that were not constructive, and we took that to heart. Children hear critical voices first, and begin to think the things they don't do well define them. Over time, we don't need anyone else to criticize us; we internalize those voices and do it ourselves. Perfectionism results from trying to always get it right. It makes us tight, and afraid to be playful and inventive. It stifles creativity like nothing else.

Perfectionism demands that we keep the house straight and attractive, work efficiently and ever at the top of our game, be the best mother, father or employee, and approach every aspect of life in an organized fashion. At all times, we expect ourselves to be in control of everything, make no mistakes, and let nothing slip through the cracks. In other words, we set ourselves up for failure.

Anne Lamott suggests we identify those voices in our heads, and give them names. Further, we're to see them as rats—the furry, four-legged kind. As they speak their ratty words, we're to pick them up by the tail, drop them into a jar and close the lid. One by one, they fill up the jar, and each time we screw on the lid, we can no longer hear the voice. Another suggestion from a writer friend of hers, “Open the jar and shoot them all in the head.” But, that may be a little too graphic for a spirituality blog.

Here's another idea—breathe. You don't have to be perfect. In fact, there's no such thing as perfect. Just be you. That's enough. This is our affirmation for today: I may not be perfect, but I am plenty good enough.

                                                       In the Spirit,

                                                            Jane