Shocked
Awake
“When
we experience life from a place of presence, a place of being. When
we can observe with the impartial curiosity of a child. When we can
stop reacting and begin responding. Then we are no longer victims of
circumstance, but full participants in our lives.”
Hane
Selmani (“I Plead. I Waited. I Married.” Parabola, Winter
2015-16)
Many
of us “wake up” when something happens in our lives that is
shocking. We are literally shocked awake. Until that moment, we may
have been following the rules, abiding by cultural norms, and walking
through our days as good and ordinary citizens, doing what is
expected of us. The events of our lives may be unsettling at times,
but we have prescribed ways of dealing with them—ways so ingrained in us that we don't have to think, just react. And then, something
happens that is so shocking we can no longer sleep-walk.
Sometimes,
that shock comes from a diagnosis, a death, a betrayal, a loss, or a
discovery of something that has been going on right in front of our
eyes forever, and we didn't see it. We can actually train our brains
not to see—we can employ denial so strong that everyone around us
sees, but we do not. We go about our days as robotically as possible,
until the sudden revelation slaps us awake.
Shock
is a funny thing. There's a period of numbness in which we simply
can't make sense of what's happened—sometimes days or longer. Our
minds cannot take it in, cannot grasp the reality of it. Then slowly,
inexorably, it sinks in and becomes the only reality we have. We are
forced to see and deal with it.
Only
at this point do we become present to ourselves. The revelation is
akin to getting glasses for the first time, when you've grown
accustomed to blurry vision. Everything is suddenly as plain as
day—dazzling in its clarity, individual and unavoidable. The result
is often a flood of self-questions; ones answered in ways we
don't like. “Why didn't I see this coming?” Followed by the
realization, “Oh, I did, but I chose to ignore it.” “Why didn't
someone tell me this was going on.” Answer, “They did, and I
didn't want to hear it.” For a while we may be caught up in a haze
of self-recrimination.
Fortunately,
we don't stay in shock forever. We begin to take control of
our lives, to make free choices, to take steps toward necessary
changes. Shock is often the door that opens us to consciousness. Once
self-aware, it is almost impossible to go back to blindness. It
brings questions that lead us to seek answers and take paths we
would not have noticed before. Sometimes, shock opens us
to freedom we might never have otherwise known. Sometimes, it is the gateway to
discovering our destiny.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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