Responding
In Kind
“I
do not have to accept unacceptable behavior; I can begin by refusing
to accept it in myself.”
Courage
to Change
I
had an experience recently with a woman who designs “healing
gardens.” I am part of a committee interested in creating one with our remaining outdoor space at
the church. This woman was suggested by someone
who heard her speak at a conference and thought she was very good. So
we called her and began a conversation—which went well until she
explained what she charges per day. Her fee was so exorbitant, I
almost jumped through the phone! Thousands of dollars per day! Plus
expenses! I was instantly offended and everything in me wanted to
deliver a sermon on people who say they're in the 'healing business,'
who are really interested in extortion. It was ugly.
I
didn't give her a piece of my mind, but the whole experience put me
in a terrible mood. I became irritable with the other members of the
committee, especially the ones who wanted to continue talking with
her. My criticism jumped from her to them, some of whom are very good
friends. Somewhere in the middle of that, I realized that my own
reaction was just as offensive as her rates. I was in full blown judging
mode—I had no knowledge of this person, and why she would ask such
unreasonable fees, and I hadn't taken the time to find out.
The
12-Step folks have a saying that applies; “Let it begin with me.”
It means that I can become the person I want to see, the person who
behaves with civility and common sense. I don't have to react to
every provocative incident with equal provocation. I can refuse to
accept unacceptable behavior without becoming aggressive and nasty.
It is a lesson I need to learn, and when there is a necessary lesson,
there will always be a teacher.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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