Awareness, Acceptance, Action

The Three A's

“For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead.”

Thomas Jefferson

The 12 Step programs have a process called the Three A's: Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Sometimes we make the mistake of putting them in a different order. We must first become aware of what is: not what we want to be, or what 'should' be, or even, what we pretend to be. We must first clearly see the truth of the situation. Then we must come to terms with it, accept it as reality. And, finally, we must decide what action to take in the face of that reality. Sounds simple, but in cases of the heart, or our health, or our loved one's health, it is often not simple at all.

There's a cute commercial for Swiffer dusters in which an elderly couple receive a box of Swiffer products in the mail. The woman enters a room with the notion that it is clean, but when her new duster picks up all manner of dirt, she exclaims, “I've been living in a fool's paradise!” That goes for most of us most of the time. We really hate to see the truth of certain situations and we make every excuse in the world for why it is, and how we could be wrong, and why we don't want to misjudge, until awareness slaps us down. Even then, we do what the Baptists like to call “back-sliding.” We waffle back and forth between acceptance and denial until we simply can't any more. If I sound like I know well what I'm talking about, it's only because I do! I've practiced this particular dance all my life.

If we take action before we've reached acceptance of reality, the action we take will likely not work the way we hope. We will slip back into denial, or we will miss opportunities to reconcile in a healthy way, or we will cut something, or someone off before we are ready. And then we'll begin the whole cycle again. Once we are fully aware of the truth of a situation, and we accept it exactly as it is, then our action can come from a place of grounding and wisdom. We must give ourselves time to go through the steps in order. We must be patient and kind to ourselves in the process. This business of life is sometimes hard work.

                                                      In the Spirit,

                                                            Jane