Self-Discovery
“I
woke in bits, like all children, piecemeal over years. I discovered
myself and the world, and forgot them, and discovered them again.”
Annie
Dillard
Do
you have gaps in memory—years or decades of which you have only
spotty memories? Most people do, including myself. Especially from
childhood. We don't store memories forever as some would have us
believe. Instead, we have selected pathways that we revisit
periodically, and those are strongest. Then there are very dim
memories that, when mentioned by another, can be evoked, but not in a
clear way. And then, there are simply many, many lost memories. If
you begin flipping through particular years in your life, you may
find what amounts to snapshots of memory—individual frames, not
video. Pivotal moments may be clear, followed by fuzzy ones or
complete blanks. Perhaps nothing memorable was happening at the time,
or perhaps what was going on around you was too painful to remember.
Our psyche has the capacity to protect us from memories that might
cause us more harm than good.
All
forgotten memories are not pathological in nature. Sometimes we
simply let go of them because they were not important. But it is
interesting and instructive to go back and see what kinds of memories
you have retained from any given year. You may find that as you pull
up the ones that are easy to access, others, less clear, come with
it. For instance, I remember an incident on the playground when I was
in fifth grade. I stupidly walked behind the baseball batter and got
smacked in the head with a bat. That brings up memories of my
teacher, Mrs. Taylor, and the introduction of grape jello in the
cafeteria, and my best friend, Sabra. It's like pulling a long scarf
out of your sleeve and discovering the rabbit that comes with it.
You
will never remember every incident that has taken place in you
lifetime, especially if you're over fifty, but you may remember lots
of things you hadn't thought about for a while. It is an expedition
of rediscovery, an important one to take in the furtherance of your
consciousness today. Enjoy the journey.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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