Shivering in Birmingham

Winter Bones

“I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the land scape. Something waits beneath it; the whole story doesn't show.”

Andrew Wyeth

Here is the most dangerous city in America this morning! Eighteen degrees and four inches of snow turn this normally hum-drum town into a killing zone. To say we are “unprepared for weather” is the grossest imaginable understatement. People in Alabama lose their minds completely when it snows even an inch. Yesterday, entire populations were on the roads, sliding and skiing and ditching their banged-up cars. Two of my friends were stuck in places a few miles from home and took all day and into the evening getting there. My friend, Andy, finally left his car in a Target parking lot and walked three miles in the dark. He seemed proud to have fallen only once. Hundreds of accidents and thousands of canceled air line flights, and dare I say, tens of thousands of very frustrated, angry people later, we are still frozen in place. So many people rushed to the grocery store for milk and bread that the shelves are raked clean, as though it's the end of civilization as we know it. Son, Jake, mused with a head scratch, “I guess they're going to make milk sandwiches.”

I know this doesn't look like much to you folks above the Mason-Dixon line, but believe me, it spells paralysis here in the deep south. The plants are feeling it too. I think my fifteen year old rosemary plants are dead, and the Confederate Jasmine looks like a goner, too. Last year I left a couple of house plants on the porch all winter and nothing died but the aphids. This year is a whole different animal.

Barley and Liza don't know what to think. Liza tries to keep from getting her feet wet, but its not easy to do your business while prancing. Barley just runs high-speed laps around the yard without stopping to do anything. I'm not sure her feet actually come in contact with the frozen ground. We need to take that girl to the racetrack and put some money on her.

I know other southern towns and cities are feeling the pain. Nobody's happy except the children who get to skip school today. Last night, Charleston was in the midst of an ice storm, the likes of which they see once in a lifetime. Atlanta is just a plain killing field with all that traffic and miles and miles of elevated roadways. Here's my wise advice to all deep-south dwellers: Stay home, people! Eat your milk sandwiches and wait for spring!

Someone should call Andrew Wyeth and tell him his winter “bone structure” has been found. Please! Come and claim it!

                                          In the Spirit,

                                                Jane