Take a look at yourself...

Through Other Eyes

“When someone points out to you all the stuff that you have been ignoring, avoiding or denying, don't get mad. You see, life uses people as its eyes and its hands.”

                                              Iyanla Vanzant (Until Today)

It goes without saying that people see us differently than we see ourselves. Why wouldn't they? They're out there observing all the things we can't see—our body language, facial expression, that hesitation that speaks volumes. Sometimes, they shock or surprise us with their observations. Sometimes, we feel like we've been slapped. Other times, their observations ring with truth. We wake up to a new reality when someone puts into words what we have been smothering under a pillow.

For all of us, it is far easier to see another person's stuff than our own. Repression really works. We can have full blown personality traits that everybody else takes for granted, but of which we are completely oblivious. And we can observe in others moods, emotions, secret yearnings of which they are unaware. One way of testing this is to ask people who know you well how they see you. They will start with flattery, but if you couch it as a self-discovery survey you're conducting, they will eventually tell you a few unexpected things. I remember once asking my sister, Jerrie, what I was like as a child, and without hesitation she answered, “You were always in your own little world.” That response opened up to me a whole new awareness of myself that I knew at a very cloistered level was true; that revelation explained so much. Sometimes, we see ourselves through a foggy lens that the honest observations of others can clear.

Perhaps the assessment that is hardest for many of us to hear is that of our boss during an evaluation. They will tell us what we are doing right, and what we are doing wrong, but most of us hear only the 'wrong' part. We react badly, fearfully. If we could only listen with ears that want to know both our positives and our negatives, such an evaluation would be, well, invaluable. Asking questions such as, “How can I improve here?” or, “What more would you like to see from me?” could truly enhance your standing with your employer. It could also provide important feedback for improving your skills.

Being able to see ourselves as others see us is an important part of building consciousness. It expands our “free area”; that open window that contains information that others know and we know, too. It builds confidence and gives us grist for our mill. And, unexpectedly, it enhances relationship and connection.

                                            In the spirit,

                                               Jane