Let
Go
“The
knowledge of the past stays with us. To let go is to release the
images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and
disappointments of the past that bind us.”
Jack
Kornfield
My
friend and fellow blogger (notdarkyet-commentary.blogspot.com),
Charles Kinnaird, reminded me of the writings and teachings of Jack
Kornfield. He's an American Buddhist, who writes extensively about
forgiveness, loving and letting go. He leads meditation seminars all
over the world. The whole notion that loving someone means letting go
was an alien concept for me for much of my life. In fact, I believe I
was taught from the cradle that if you love someone, you should cling
tightly to them and never let go. It wasn't until I, myself, was so
engulfed in a relationship that I could scarcely breathe, that I
learned the truth of Kornfield's teaching. Life has a way of doing
that, doesn't it—of teaching us the lessons we need to learn?
I
don't know whether it's a particularly southern trait or not, but
women of my generation were taught to be involved extensively (some
would say exclusively) in the lives of our family members—be all
things (friend, lover, supporter, cheerleader, etc) to the spouse, be
the super-mom who shows up for everything and always puts her
children first, and take care of Mama and Daddy, even if that means
moving them into your home. All of this is good to a degree, but what
it means is that one day you wake up to the fact that you've lived lo
these many years without the slightest idea of who you are outside
the roles, not to mention what you ever intended to do with your
life. If you can be okay with that, you're golden, but if not,
there's a whole new learning process to come.
Letting
go doesn't have to be done all at once. But all of life is about, not
what we cling to, but our ability to let go in love. Letting go of
parents, letting go of children, sometimes letting go of a spouse,
letting go of youth, of profession and, in the end, of life itself.
The more we cling, the more painful the process. Somehow, we equate
letting go with throwing away. But letting go in love, is a whole
other thing. It means allowing that person to be a free and
independent agent, free of our interference and our hovering,
controlling presence. It means allowing them to make mistakes and
bear consequences and to have successes and commit to relationships,
even when we think they're making a mistake. It means forgiving and
releasing our kin for the mistakes they've made and letting go of the
energy of resentment. It's a big job. Sometimes it takes a lifetime
to do it.
In the spirit,
Jane
No comments:
Post a Comment