The
Gift of Presence
“To
be loved is to be recognized as existing. When you love someone, the
best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you
are not there?”
Thich
Nhat Hanh
One
of the toughest things to do in this world is to recognize another as
themselves and not as an extension of us. For instance, the way that
we identify a person when introducing them is often who they are in
relation to us. Example: this is my friend, Isie, or this is my
cousin, Sandy, or my son, Jake. We do this unconsciously because that
is how we think of them. It's not a bad thing, of course, it just
robs them of their individuality. I could just as easily say, this is
the poet, Isie, or this is the great beauty of our family, Sandy, or
this is Jake, an artist. That at least captures one tiny element of
the whole person.
When
love relationships hit the rocks, it is often because one, or both,
of the participants feel that they have not been truly known or
appreciated for themselves. How many times have I heard, “I'm just
a paycheck to her.” or “He thinks I'm his mother.” We wake up
one morning and realize there is a whole world within us that is
invisible to the one with whom we share our life. Instead, we are a
projection of their making. And they are one of ours. We may even
wonder, who is this person! All the more reason that if there is
someone you believe you love, try with all your might to see them for
themselves, and to allow them see you.
Being
truly present with another is a gift beyond measure. We simply don't
realize how rare it is. We take for granted that we “know” this
person—we know how they think, what their habits are, how they
smell, what they like best to wear, to eat. How else can we know
them? Ask yourself this, does he/she know what makes me tick, what
makes me cry and why, what I long for, who I really am to myself? If
the answer is yes, then you have a rare treasure. Be present with
that person whenever you are together. Cherish them.
In
the spirit,
Jane
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