Deep and Wide

Life in All It's Colors

“You can never step into the same river twice; for other waters are always flowing on to you.”

                                 Heraclitus of Ephesus

Years ago, I had a mountain top experience. I was with a group of women outside Tucson, AZ in Autumn. We were mid-way into ten days of study of Native American spirituality in a self-sustaining compound of desert dwellings owned by an old woman named Mary Howard. We had been sitting in circle, journeying to the drumbeat, and recording our dreams for days. That sort of retreat from the busy world, with focus inward, and staying with the spirit of time and place always intensifies one's experience.

I came out of the dinning hall, headed back to the meditation yurt one evening just at sunset. When I looked up, the sky was just above my head and every shade of red known to humankind. I felt as though I could reach up and touch it, or perhaps that I was somehow a part of it, inside it, one with it. I was rooted to the ground watching the swirl of colors until darkness claimed them. For reasons I don't yet understand, that was a transforming experience. I have seen many beautiful sunsets since then, but none has claimed me in the same way.

You can't step into the same river twice perhaps because as you age, life itself deepens. As you gain in experiences, your expectations change. You reach a point where the things of this world—cocktail parties and tailgate extravaganzas, loud concerts and office gossip, weekends at the racetrack and up-all-night shopping sprees—hold little zest. They are suddenly too much effort for too little gain. You want things to be real and rich. This move away from the glitzy life may sound depressing, but it isn't. Having done all those things, one wants life to have meaning beyond 'a good time'. And the things that once seemed fun aren't any more. The movement is inward.

You may not be able to recreate an old experience, but you certainly continue to gain new ones. Life ripens like a good cheese. You have many wonderful memories and time to allow them to open up and share their meaning at a deeper level. Life is quieter, more stable, and richer by far. When you step into the river anew, it will be with foreknowledge and a great deal more freedom.

                                               In the spirit,

                                                Jane