Living
Thoughtfully
“Reflection
does its job without serving as an evaluation or plan. In itself it deepens our
state of being. We become more thoughtful people through reflection, and that transformation
is part of aging.”
Thomas
Moore (Ageless Soul, p.91; St. Martin’s Essentials, 2017)
One
part of growing older, at least for some, is this business of reflection, or
thinking back on things. It’s different from ruminating in that it is less about
worrying and more about thinking deeply—beneath the obvious, beneath the
surface. When the bulk of one’s life is in the past, and since we simply have
more time to think, we develop the habit of remembering thoughtfully.
When I was younger, I
spent many sleepless nights ruminating, replaying conversations, evaluating my
performance—did I say the right things, was I harsh, did I sound stupid, how
should I have said it, etc. I kept my emotions churned up with worry and embarrassment.
I still do that occasionally, but mostly, I let the lessons of time and
distance inform me. Now that I have more life experience, many of the things
that seemed important in the past, look different in the present. Now, I can
think about them without being overwhelmed by emotion. It’s one of the many
boons of aging.
Thomas Moore writes, “Reflection
fosters being rather than doing, and aging has to do with who you are more than
what you do.” We have the option of filling the precious minutes and hours
of our human lifetime with doing if we choose, and we can live without reflection,
but life will seem less potent and meaningful if we do.
Today, many people are
not interested in living a thoughtful life, or so it seems. It’s easy to get so
caught up in the busy, busy, business of doing that we simply don’t have time
to think about much of anything. We may come to a place of profound fatigue
when we simply can’t keep going. In that case, we may stop long enough to evaluate
what we’re doing and why, but rarely do we give serious consideration to
stopping, or even slowing down. It’s the American way to keep pushing, keep going,
until the body that conveys our soul is worn out. Then, we may be forced to
reflect.
Thoughtful reflection allows
us, like Thoreau at Walden Pond, “to live deep and suck out all the marrow
of life…” When we reflect on our life thus far, we may realize the things
that seemed terrible were not so bad, and the things that seemed good were even
better. We may glean some light from what seemed only darkness. Reflection
gives us opportunity to understand that the people who raised us were just human
beings, not masters of the universe who should have had more expertise than
they did. They can be forgiven for their mistakes just as we can forgive
ourselves for ours. The point of view that deep reflection brings is softer, less
anxious, less judgmental, and more compassionate. And, truly, this world needs
compassion more than anything.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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